It’s coming up to the end of the semester now, and people are cramming for finals; as much as we would love to give you tips on how you can succeed, we can’t. Why? You ask. Well it’s because of the recently announced AAMC MCAT changes. They have left us a little worse for wear, and fairly stressed. Upon hearing of this change we immediately began crying, except for Jon who is off to medical school in August. What are these changes you ask? Well deciphering a 1500 page document is something that is quite difficult, even for the most adept premed student, so we’ve taken the effort of decoding it for you.
What are the major changes you ask, well from our point of view it looks like they’ve completely torn it apart and redone it. First let’s cover the new sections.
- Underwater Basketweaving – Students must demonstrate their ability to weave 6, yes 6, perfect baskets, while underwater in a pool filled with sharks. They will be given 60 minutes. Those that fail will be eaten by the sharks.
- Walking on Fire – As organic chemistry isn’t already difficult enough, students will have to demonstrate their agility, mental, and physical fortitude by walking across a bed of hot coals. Student will be given 60 minutes to cross 600 meters. Those that fail will be ground into coal, along with their dreams.
- Swimming on Land – Yes, students will be required to demonstrate their swimming ability, but they will not be allowed to swim in a pool, nay this is no conventional test. Students will be required to swim through two blocks of solid clay. They will have 30 minutes for each block with a 10 minute break in between. Those unable to finish the tasks will be forever left in the blocks, along with their goals and aspirations.
- Ability to Fly – No, Weaving 6 perfect baskets, walking on fire, and swimming through clay aren’t enough. Successful premeds must be able to fly. Students will be pushed off a 100 story building and be required to safely land on the ground. Those unable to do so will be scrapped off the sidewalk by a disgruntled city employee.
As you probably have noticed, we clearly do not support these changes. Why you ask, well we here at pre-med hell believe that this undermines the true value of the test. Any successful premed can complete these tasks with ease. So we formally request that the AAMC remove these mundane tasks from the test, and put their thinking caps back on and actually test us. We suggest, adding subjects such as: cage fighting with rabid squirrels, finding a needle in a haystack, running a mile in someone else’s shoes (preferably a size too small), and eating 5 pounds of cheese. It is our opinion that with these small changes the MCAT can truly become a reliable test of premeds ability.